Mothers

"Courage sometimes skips a generation. Thank you for bringing it back to our family."
- The Help

I watched the movie The Help the other day and this quote made me think of my Mom. And then to find a picture that represents my Mom, I chose that one :)

There 2 main reasons why I look up to my Mom so much:

1. She came from a lot of family struggles and generations of dysfunction. She worked since she was in high school to be sure she didn't fall into the same pattern everyone else in her family did. She continued that through the entire time I was growing up and I was very aware of it. I can see how different she is from the rest of her family and I am in awe.
2. She worked hard at being a stay home Mom and wife. (Emphasize "work" because most people don't call that work). I look back at my childhood and see a lot of home cooked meals and time spent with her. She was focused on us and our home. I brag about her a lot the more I hear about other families because I'm realizing how rare it is that she did this for our family.

Just sayin, God blessed our family a lot through her! I got to grow up in a God-centered personality cultivating environment, and I have a lot of "Thank yous" to make up for. ;)

Angela

Need a Little Twang

I drive my client to work everyday and I'm gettin her hooked on country music! It's amazing she isn't already because she's from Springfield. 5 out of my 6 radio presets are country stations. Old country station, new country, gospel country, hick rock, and favorite country. For real, I never get tired of it. I think 4 months away from it in LA made me miss it a lot and I'm still recovering.

One of my all time favorites came on today. This one I remember singing to with Anna in her car when I was younger. :)



"If you're callin bout my heart it's still yours
I should've listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong
And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talkin to
Can't you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you."



We all got a hillbilly bone,
Angela

Matthew 18:22

Matthew 18:15-22

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you lose on earth shall be lost in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven."

This verse is a part of me forever now!

Forgiving an unimaginable number. Only because of and through God's power. :)Very thankful that I have a Father who wants to invest time in me molding me to be like Him. Thankful He's teaching me how to forgive someone repeatedly, and loving it. I just wish people knew how much they're forgiven. How do I tell someone that without sounding like a goody two-shoes?

Inked,
Angela

Kind

I love old people. I could speculate about the "why" of this a whole lot. Today one of the reasons I'm thinking, though, is the wisdom and kindness so many of them carry with them. Who doesn't want to be in the company of kind slow-spoken words full of wisdom? Nobody.

The epitome of this was caught in one very quick moment I will never forget.

It's December of 2009 and I'm at my ex-boyfriend's Baptist church visiting for this one Sunday morning. He was newly graduated from Marine Corps bootcamp. Bootcamp took 3 months and I wrote every day. I even gave up my $400 high school graduation present to buy a plane ticket to see him graduate in San Diego, CA. It was just the start of a lot of sacrifice that I made for one man. Honestly, I wouldn't take back one day of it. I was in love and didn't mind.

But even if I was okay with it the majority of the time, every so often it would get to me. That selfish part of me that wanted credit. That I don't dare ask for.

This Sunday morning he stood in the hall as church let out and a number of people walked by and shook his hand and thanked him for his service. I stood near, somewhat behind, him smiling and watching. (Little did I know this was just the beginning of that pattern.) Then I feel a hand on my shoulder and look over at an older man I had never seen before. He asked if I was Ben's girlfriend and I confirmed (still smiling like an idiot it seems like now). He says quietly, "You know, you're important too." Shook MY hand. Hugged me. And walked away.

That plastered smile of mine lasted another .3 seconds til it was replaced with tears. Happy tears. Tears of the best affirmation I'd ever felt. That was the one and only vocal human affirmation and encouragement I got from anyone during 2 years of being a military girlfriend. It was enough. I was reminded of how much wisdom and kindness can come out of someone's words. I'm convinced young people don't possess this gift.

For so many reasons I've thought about this moment a lot lately. Reasons that will remain a mystery for now. Which I'm guessing is fine because I have 0 readers on the edge of their seat.

Maybe this is why I like Yoda so much too,
Angela

Boys

"I don’t understand. One minute he’s happy then he’s not. And he doesn’t tell me anything ever. I mean, you’re supposed to tell your girlfriend things. That’s the whole point of having a girlfriend isn’t it? And I’m so tired of fighting, or not even fighting, because he won’t fight. He just gets mad and disappears then comes back. And I don’t like how I feel; I don’t like what I do. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to sit around wondering when we’re going to talk, if he’s mad, why he’s mad. I hate this.
I don’t know anything because he won’t talk. He just sulks and disappears and just when you’re through with him he shows up at hockey games with Distiller tickets. Oh that’s right you don’t know about that because I didn’t tell you because I was embarrassed because I didn’t want to be that girl. The girl who lets her boyfriend treat her like dirt and then lies to her Mom about it."

-Rory about Jess GG Season 3

Obviously right now I don't have any boy problems, but this quote just describes past troubles very well.


Gilmore Girl,
Angela

Restless Heart Syndrome

Eureka!

It's true. This is a cry of joy from me because I have discovered something wonderful.

After being in California for 6 months I was convinced I hated Los Angeles and loved St. Charles. I came home, rejoiced for a quick minute then went back to school in Springfield. I was too happy to miss California for a while. Then one day.. I wanted Boba. I realized I can't find it here. And I started thinking of all the things LA had that SGF doesn't. And I was caught in a very sad mix of emotions.

2 Sundays ago I was back in church in St. Charles listening to my pastor. He told a story of how he came here from Canada and when he passed over the Mississippi and Missouri river he was ecstatic! He was so happy to see such majestic and historic rivers! And now, when he thinks of the river it means he's making a long drive. "Familiarity breeds discontentment," he said. And he was saddened to realize how true that is with our faith.

"Familiarity breeds discontentment" - Terry Sanderson

I got back to Missouri and when I would miss California I would be so confused because I remember how much I hated it. But then I'd think of how close I came to God and I love it and I'd wonder what ever happened to me there that actually HELPED my relationship with God.

Immediately a lightbulb went on and I was almost in tears.
When I understood how scared, homesick, and lost I was in LA, I had NO choice but to rely on God for comfort. I had no person near me who "knew what I meant" ever. I had nobody to relate to when I felt excluded. I had God, though. And I was constantly meditating on how He is my Comforter. He is my ultimate Home and the Holy Spirit calls me home.

What I love more than the good things about Los Angeles and even more than St. Charles (which is pretty hard to beat) is being that intimate with Christ. I don't know how to keep that going every day of my life, but I want to. Being unfamiliar and feeling like you have nothing makes you depend on God so much more.

Now I'm learning to be grateful I'm somewhere comfortable with people I identify with. But I won't let myself forget how much I need to identify with Christ more.

Somedays I'm restless because I crave a California things and my friends there.
Most days I'm so happy to be here that I don't ever want to leave. It's really causing me to be anxious about my future and my plans. It's led me to be praying for peace that passes understanding, though. And that's what I'm focusing on. :)

Jehovah Shalom,
Angela

"Feelings"

One time as I talked about something I felt I used air quotes. I said ".. I feel like.." And as I uttered the word "feel" used my fingers to air quote the word.

I'm not sure why this happened. I still have no good answers. All I know is I am really bad at feelings. Or talking about them. And recognizing my own.

My cousin Joe is an amazing writer. He has a blog that I love following. Recently he posted about moving on. He said something that really struck me.

"This may sound like the ramblings of an idiot but many of you have felt the same way I am sure. It is a feeling almost like survivors remorse. Thank goodness I made it through that terrible situation, but why me? Why am I ok with being like this? I shouldn't be this happy this soon."

I was broken up with a while ago. Growing up in Christian community the first action I'm "supposed" to take is a dating fast, obviously! I'm supposed to contemplate that God might have me be single for life. Then I'm supposed to declare I'm no longer dating but courting. All the while I'm supposed to seclude myself and take time to evaluate my strengths and weaknesses in dating life. Well.. ya know what? If ya knew the whole story of that relationship it would make more sense. But I'm not here to tell it. I just think.. I feel fine. Knowing that I'm bad at "feelings" I question that every day.

I've prayed, and sought counsel. Sought counsel then prayed some more. Studied God's word and asked anyone for any advice. All I can come up with is I'm fine. I expected to be distraught and depressed. I expected to hate men for a while and have to "learn to be happy single." Quite honestly, I am happy. Not that I'm any Yoda, but I have enough years to know myself in this area. And I can't bring myself to do any of the typical church kid response to this break up. I am fine. I'm not putting off dating for a year. I'm not scared to be in another relationship. But still all I can think of often is "I shouldn't be this happy this soon." - Joe.

Single and ready to...somethin,
Angela

His post:
http://followaregularjoe.blogspot.com/2011/11/moving-on.html?spref=bl

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Misfit

I'll start this off a bit educational, and it's gonna end... a bit educational. This post brought to you by: My Social Work: Human Behavior in the Social Environment class's assignment. So I have some vocab for y'all, and then a paper to read. Please write your name at the top right hand corner of your-- just kidding. ;)

misfit: A person whose behavior or attitude sets them apart from others

cohort: A group of persons who were born during the same time period and who experience particular social changes within a given culture in the same sequence and at the same age

transition: change in roles and statuses that represents a distinct departure from prior roles and statuses

trajectory: long-term pattern of stability and change, which usually involves multiple transitions

social age: age-graded roles and behaviors expected by society - in other words the socially constructed meaning or various ages.

Alright, those definitions are important.
I am a misfit. I always, jokingly, say I should have been 20 years old in 1950. Maybe that way I'd be married by this age. Maybe then I'd be wearing a dress every day. Maybe then people would respect the role of a man and a woman and their DIFFERENCE. Obviously, this isn't entirely a joke to me.
Now I didn't think I'd think of this while doing my homework. But my homework is all about the rest of those definitions and well, I had to write a (1 page) reaction paper to it. Well, I sure did.

The readings at the beginning of Chapter 1 that depict real life stories all tell how one person’s way of life and culture is not just made overnight. It is a result of generations’ efforts, tragedies, life choices, etc. After understanding this and proceeding to read the first few paragraphs of the text I started to realize just how this has played out in my own life and generation.
The section about cohorts uses the baby boomer population to illustrate. “They suggest that ‘boomers’ responded to the economic challenges of their demographic bubble by delaying or avoiding marriage, postponing childbearing, having fewer children, and increasing the presence of mothers in the labor force.” (Hutchison 12). This cohort had unique circumstances after World War II which to cope and manage they had to alter the way of life they had before.
Though the link between baby boomers and modern day feminists has been a long time coming and would require extensive explanation, I firmly believe there is one. I live during the third wave of feminists and among this group I have felt forced into a common trajectory. The understanding being anyone my age will graduate high school single, attend and graduate higher education, pursue a career, and, finally, marry and have children. I do not fit into this particular social age. I would prefer marriage before or during college that I may or may not attend, working as supplement, having children and then work in the home as a stay-at-home-mom. A title which I hate to utter due to such a negative connotation it has been given these days.
After years of coping and learning to be okay with this I have also started to learn how our culture got to be this way. Out of necessity people made distinct and drastic transitions. Time flies and not even a century later it’s a completely different environment. The cohort I was born into is not accepting of the trajectory I would design for myself. After reading this chapter I have realized how common, stressful and real this experience is.

Basically, thanks to the dang baby boomer era everything changed. Not one person's fault. But I am hanging on to the hope that one day people will remember how we were functioning back then and realize it's okay to do things old-fashioned every once in a while. Maybe when my daughter grows up history will have repeated itself and she won't be expected to know where she's attending college by time she is in 8th grade.
Yeah, I saw middle schoolers on a campus tour at CSUN. Ridiculous.


AKA Donna Reed,
Angela