Friend with Benefits: Part 1

That title sounds inappropriate, doesn't it? What if that was how we described marriage?

Mark Driscoll did a series on relationships. The first message is about friendship in marriage.
//Edit: I was going to post about it. But before I could I had to post this. And this has been in my drafts for a while. Together it would make a very long post.

Now I ain't close to being married. Not even close to close. One gift of singleness is doing my research though. (Sound romantic? Haha.) That consists a lot of asking outside sources about singleness, dating, and marriage. Mostly, though, it means I'm learning more about myself and my dating pattern, attitude about singleness, etc.

Beware of vulnerability coming. This is who I used to date:



I dated the non-"nice guy" then question why that's all I could find. As if it was happening TO me and I wasn't an active force in it. Common Christian fix? Make a list of qualities you want in a spouse and don't stray from it. Well I think before that list is made I should make a list of qualities I want to BE in a spouse! (If that's even God's will for my life.) Commence my resolution of 2011.

"#24: Pray that my heart will be changing to be more like Christ. Act on it in these specific areas: ... And pray, when the time is right, I will be attracted to someone who is SO FAR from what I HAVE dated that I am able to recognize the change that has happened in my heart. Thank God for it endlessly." (I like to pray very specifically sometimes because then when God answers that prayer it's just that much more miraculous.)

The point of this is I have spent a lot of time trying to learn what a Biblical relationship looks like. A good thing, right? But it wasn't until a while back I noticed how the men I was attracted to were a DIRECT reflection of the condition of my heart. Scary huh? (Well it's pretty elementary stuff in any Psych class, it's just not something we want to admit is true or something that can be fixed through prayer, discipline, and God's Word. It can.) The only thing that makes this blog worthy and not just for my journal is I wish more girls would understand this. I wish it were public and talked about.

“This starts when you’re single. Only dating someone who’s friends with Jesus and then becoming friends with them and building that relationship on those two friendships." - Mark Driscoll


Angela

Disappointment

I'm applying for my school's Bachelor of Social Work program this week. I have to write an essay on why I want to be a social worker, which terrifies me. Every semester the first day of class professors take time to get to know everyone. We say what population we want to work with and why we chose Social Work as our major. I'm afraid I'm almost always a disappointment to the class.

The most common answer is "I just want to help people." Followed closely by "I had an abusive past and/or childhood." I say, "Well...I don't want to be a social worker." Then hurry to explain to a room full of secular social workers what I do see myself doing. And people get very confused. It's always a challenge to explain that for me secular social work doesn't make sense.

My plan, God willing, would include being a missionary internationally or in the urban poor of the United States. It would include intentionally seeing motherhood and marriage as joyful "full time position" (put as professional as possible haha). I would live incarnationally among the poor. Not drive in from my white middle-class neighborhood to the Missouri DFS and work in a cubicle with other privileged women with their MSW who complain about the work piling on their desk.

Through prayer and community in the social work department, though, I have been able to meet people who understand and receive some affirmation. In fact most recently I met a professor who took some kind of interest in me. We met in her office and talked about my bad grades. (I'm just really bad at school in general.) I told her my mind is often elsewhere and I'm not excited about social work like other people are. She asked what I saw myself doing in ten years and I told her that previous described picture. Her response? "Well good thing you're majoring in social work." Good thing? Yeah right.

Needless to say it took a lot of confused looks and patience on my part to finally understand what she meant. She's a Christian with the NASW in mind, not necessarily missions. However, she knew before I did that if I want to serve people and work for the marginalized and overlooked what better place for me to be in than this one? Touche.

This week has had a lot of answer to prayer in some of the most unexpected places. I'm just fine with that.

"I just want to help people"...know Christ's love,
Angela

Hairbrushes and Brooms

If you've ever put on a concert of your own in your kitchen or bathroom you know what those two items have in common. They're both excellent pretend microphones!

I work overnight at an independent living home for 3 ladies. I deep clean their house while they're sleeping. The first few times I worked I just did my job, possibly with the TV or a movie on. That didn't last once I realized how much hardwood I was cleaning.

Sweeping and mopping? Not for long. It's a concert for the neighbors. And my cleaning is much more fun this way.

Last night's performance?


Thank you Springfield, goodnight!
Angela

Fathers

This post is quite overdue.
It's a couple weeks overdue because of when I thought of it.
Also, years overdue because it's a lot of things my Dad should have known by now. Then again, I didn't realize much of it myself then.

I have a hard time asking for money. I hate borrowing unless I have a strict plan to pay it back. My parents never handed out money "for the mall" or "to go eat with my friends". I earned it and I like it that way. But even when things get tight I cannot bring myself to ask them for money. In any case, that's what my Grampa has told me he's for. ;)

A couple weekends ago I came home to St. Charles solely because I was going to Wisconsin with my church's Junior High to lead 8th grade girls. I had work until 9am that morning, drove home, did laundry, packed and got on the bus for camp. We got back 2 days later and I got in the car and drove back because I worked the next morning. To me, it wasn't a big deal. Maybe it's the college spirit - being able to function well on little sleep or rest. Not sure.

Anyway, I had to fill up my car before I drove back to Springfield. It was 10pm and I would be driving until 1:30am. My Dad followed me to QT and paid to fill up my gas tank, and offered to buy me coffee and a donut! Gifts isn't even my love language but this spoke LOUD. And ya know? He just has that attitude. I just don't think he knew I'd care much for it until recently.

To him $30 for a tank of gas and $2.56 for gas station food isn't gonna stress him out about how he'll make it to the next paycheck, like it would for me. It might seem small to one person, but it meant so much to me that day. Honestly, it made my week and I was smiling about it for a while.


[Laura, me, Dad, Anna, and Heidi]

Can I just say I love my Dad? Well yeah cause it's my blog. ;)
The more I learn about God being Jehovah Jireh the more I realize my Dad has worked hard to be that image of Christ in our family.

There are not enough words or blog posts to thank him. And I owe him 20 years of "Thank you's".

Angela

P.S. "If I had all the Daddies [daughters] in the world lined up I'd still pick you."
(I wonder if he remembers we said that ALL the time)

Mothers

"Courage sometimes skips a generation. Thank you for bringing it back to our family."
- The Help

I watched the movie The Help the other day and this quote made me think of my Mom. And then to find a picture that represents my Mom, I chose that one :)

There 2 main reasons why I look up to my Mom so much:

1. She came from a lot of family struggles and generations of dysfunction. She worked since she was in high school to be sure she didn't fall into the same pattern everyone else in her family did. She continued that through the entire time I was growing up and I was very aware of it. I can see how different she is from the rest of her family and I am in awe.
2. She worked hard at being a stay home Mom and wife. (Emphasize "work" because most people don't call that work). I look back at my childhood and see a lot of home cooked meals and time spent with her. She was focused on us and our home. I brag about her a lot the more I hear about other families because I'm realizing how rare it is that she did this for our family.

Just sayin, God blessed our family a lot through her! I got to grow up in a God-centered personality cultivating environment, and I have a lot of "Thank yous" to make up for. ;)

Angela

Need a Little Twang

I drive my client to work everyday and I'm gettin her hooked on country music! It's amazing she isn't already because she's from Springfield. 5 out of my 6 radio presets are country stations. Old country station, new country, gospel country, hick rock, and favorite country. For real, I never get tired of it. I think 4 months away from it in LA made me miss it a lot and I'm still recovering.

One of my all time favorites came on today. This one I remember singing to with Anna in her car when I was younger. :)



"If you're callin bout my heart it's still yours
I should've listened to it a little more
Then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong
And by the way, boy, this is no machine you're talkin to
Can't you tell, this is Austin, and I still love you."



We all got a hillbilly bone,
Angela

Matthew 18:22

Matthew 18:15-22

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you lose on earth shall be lost in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven."

This verse is a part of me forever now!

Forgiving an unimaginable number. Only because of and through God's power. :)Very thankful that I have a Father who wants to invest time in me molding me to be like Him. Thankful He's teaching me how to forgive someone repeatedly, and loving it. I just wish people knew how much they're forgiven. How do I tell someone that without sounding like a goody two-shoes?

Inked,
Angela