Kind

I love old people. I could speculate about the "why" of this a whole lot. Today one of the reasons I'm thinking, though, is the wisdom and kindness so many of them carry with them. Who doesn't want to be in the company of kind slow-spoken words full of wisdom? Nobody.

The epitome of this was caught in one very quick moment I will never forget.

It's December of 2009 and I'm at my ex-boyfriend's Baptist church visiting for this one Sunday morning. He was newly graduated from Marine Corps bootcamp. Bootcamp took 3 months and I wrote every day. I even gave up my $400 high school graduation present to buy a plane ticket to see him graduate in San Diego, CA. It was just the start of a lot of sacrifice that I made for one man. Honestly, I wouldn't take back one day of it. I was in love and didn't mind.

But even if I was okay with it the majority of the time, every so often it would get to me. That selfish part of me that wanted credit. That I don't dare ask for.

This Sunday morning he stood in the hall as church let out and a number of people walked by and shook his hand and thanked him for his service. I stood near, somewhat behind, him smiling and watching. (Little did I know this was just the beginning of that pattern.) Then I feel a hand on my shoulder and look over at an older man I had never seen before. He asked if I was Ben's girlfriend and I confirmed (still smiling like an idiot it seems like now). He says quietly, "You know, you're important too." Shook MY hand. Hugged me. And walked away.

That plastered smile of mine lasted another .3 seconds til it was replaced with tears. Happy tears. Tears of the best affirmation I'd ever felt. That was the one and only vocal human affirmation and encouragement I got from anyone during 2 years of being a military girlfriend. It was enough. I was reminded of how much wisdom and kindness can come out of someone's words. I'm convinced young people don't possess this gift.

For so many reasons I've thought about this moment a lot lately. Reasons that will remain a mystery for now. Which I'm guessing is fine because I have 0 readers on the edge of their seat.

Maybe this is why I like Yoda so much too,
Angela

Boys

"I don’t understand. One minute he’s happy then he’s not. And he doesn’t tell me anything ever. I mean, you’re supposed to tell your girlfriend things. That’s the whole point of having a girlfriend isn’t it? And I’m so tired of fighting, or not even fighting, because he won’t fight. He just gets mad and disappears then comes back. And I don’t like how I feel; I don’t like what I do. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to sit around wondering when we’re going to talk, if he’s mad, why he’s mad. I hate this.
I don’t know anything because he won’t talk. He just sulks and disappears and just when you’re through with him he shows up at hockey games with Distiller tickets. Oh that’s right you don’t know about that because I didn’t tell you because I was embarrassed because I didn’t want to be that girl. The girl who lets her boyfriend treat her like dirt and then lies to her Mom about it."

-Rory about Jess GG Season 3

Obviously right now I don't have any boy problems, but this quote just describes past troubles very well.


Gilmore Girl,
Angela

Restless Heart Syndrome

Eureka!

It's true. This is a cry of joy from me because I have discovered something wonderful.

After being in California for 6 months I was convinced I hated Los Angeles and loved St. Charles. I came home, rejoiced for a quick minute then went back to school in Springfield. I was too happy to miss California for a while. Then one day.. I wanted Boba. I realized I can't find it here. And I started thinking of all the things LA had that SGF doesn't. And I was caught in a very sad mix of emotions.

2 Sundays ago I was back in church in St. Charles listening to my pastor. He told a story of how he came here from Canada and when he passed over the Mississippi and Missouri river he was ecstatic! He was so happy to see such majestic and historic rivers! And now, when he thinks of the river it means he's making a long drive. "Familiarity breeds discontentment," he said. And he was saddened to realize how true that is with our faith.

"Familiarity breeds discontentment" - Terry Sanderson

I got back to Missouri and when I would miss California I would be so confused because I remember how much I hated it. But then I'd think of how close I came to God and I love it and I'd wonder what ever happened to me there that actually HELPED my relationship with God.

Immediately a lightbulb went on and I was almost in tears.
When I understood how scared, homesick, and lost I was in LA, I had NO choice but to rely on God for comfort. I had no person near me who "knew what I meant" ever. I had nobody to relate to when I felt excluded. I had God, though. And I was constantly meditating on how He is my Comforter. He is my ultimate Home and the Holy Spirit calls me home.

What I love more than the good things about Los Angeles and even more than St. Charles (which is pretty hard to beat) is being that intimate with Christ. I don't know how to keep that going every day of my life, but I want to. Being unfamiliar and feeling like you have nothing makes you depend on God so much more.

Now I'm learning to be grateful I'm somewhere comfortable with people I identify with. But I won't let myself forget how much I need to identify with Christ more.

Somedays I'm restless because I crave a California things and my friends there.
Most days I'm so happy to be here that I don't ever want to leave. It's really causing me to be anxious about my future and my plans. It's led me to be praying for peace that passes understanding, though. And that's what I'm focusing on. :)

Jehovah Shalom,
Angela