Heartland

I love the midwest. I really, really do. The more time I spend away the more I realize I love it. The more I'm here, the happier I am. Just in my first few weeks back I've been thinking about/experiencing things that I realized are pretty common or a big deal here. Whereas, it may happen in other places but not commonly and not in the same way. And these things are great reasons to visit and/or live here.

1. People hold doors: the young hold the door for those older than them and men hold doors for women. e.g. I went to Cracker Barrel to apply for a job. On my way out (double doors with a little wait room in between 2 sets of doors) I held the door for 2 women who were at least 65 years of age, or older. Smiles all around "thank you" and "you're welcome" exchanged. After they walk out a family walks in and the Dad holds the door for his family as they come in and he waits for me to walk out. Smiles all around "thanks you" and "you're welcome" exchanged. Why is this so common? People are polite. Why is it so well-received? There ain't no people insulted by a door held. Apparently people on the coasts think I view them as incapable of opening a door? Uh.. no. 3 year old children can do that. I have full confidence you can do it. I just WANTED (chose, desired, and volunteered) to do it for you. And if a man does it for a woman, same thing. Even if a man were holding it for me because he viewed me incapable, I'll just take that as a compliment that I look worthy of his effort to serve. ;)

2. It's a small, small world: Just because Walt Disney World/Land are located on the coasts and Disney is the inventor of that song/ride doesn't mean it reflects that area. He was born in Illinois and raised in Missouri where he probably felt that it was a small world. Then he put that amusement park in California to try and get that message across because it was such a foreign concept over there, or he knew eventually it would be lost on them completely.
My Mom babysat the cashier at the gas station down the street from my house when they were younger.
My Dad's cousin's son is the mechanic I went to in Springfield.
Ya see? It's not like this doesn't happen other places. And it's not like everyone is my immediate relative. But this happens a lot more than in California and I just like it.

3. Small talk and getting to know strangers is perfectly acceptable: My landlord and I ended up have a 30 minute talk when I went to his office to ask a question. I found out he's a Christian author, he and his wife both. He is an elder at a church nearby. He used to write comics for some paper in New York from home here in Missouri. How did I know this? We talked. Talked. I don't know why this concept is, as well, foreign to "coasters" (I don't wanna pin this all on LA or California) but it is. I would frequently get asked from people at Target, the gas station, professors, or classmates, "Where are you from?!". Well.. I didn't know I looked so foreign, white girl that I am, so I'd ask back "Why do you think I'm not from here...?" And they'd answer with a relieved/amused/wonderment look and say "You are just so nice!"
I'm really not trying to brag. I also wasn't trying to be nice to these people. But I guess that's the point. I wasn't trying, I was just being me. Friendly, inquisitive, polite. But that's not unique of me in Missouri. It's unique in LA though. All I could figure out that I do differently is use common courtesy, manners, smile, and actually converse with people about their days. It's as if other people forget cashiers or strangers are actually PEOPLE with lives and they might have more to say than "Sign here" and "Here's your change".

4. Matchmakers: Eh sometimes it's cute. Sometimes it's annoying. Either way, it's daring and thoughtful and I applaud them. That landlord I mentioned? He also found it necessary to tell me ALL about his son. His son graduated high school with a 4.11 GPA, got a full-ride to college then graduated Evangel in 4 years with 2 Majors, 3 Minors, spoke a baccalaureate to his class and finished with a song on his guitar. He also was captain of Cross Country. He immediately got a job post-college with Wal-mart corporate and makes more than his Dad makes. Somewhere in there, though, his Dad dropped "He's a real good lookin kid too!" I'm not sure if he is just half in love with the way his son looks or what, and he may just be praising every aspect of this kid he can. But this happens every so often with older people and myself or my friends and it's endearing. Thanks for lookin out for me and your kin.

5. Cracker Barrel: Not even available on any west coast states - so sad.

Callus & Ink: 'Love': Part Two

Callus & Ink: 'Love': Part Two: "09/18/06 Content vs. Love Current mood: curious Wouldn't it be easier to be content with yourself, and never feel pain, never have to ..."

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Angela on Paper

Why do people choose their favorite quotes? Why do we insist on summing our feelings up or writing them down on paper? I, for one, think sometimes it's nice to know someone has felt the EXACT same way as you. Sometimes when you can't figure out what you want to say and someone just combines the perfect words as eloquently as can be. Whatever the reason, it's nice to see something complicated simplified or sounding beautifully.

A few things have been on my mind regarding this:
Personality tests: I'm an ISTJ on the "Myers-Briggs" personality test. What this means is (on a scale of 1-100) I'm an 80 Introvert (I); 12 Sensing (S); 40 Thinking (T); and 40 Judging (J). The opposites are Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving (respectively). You can look up ISTJs and find out what I'm all about because it really does describe me pretty accurately.
The point is, people find such comfort in that. As if we need something to blame for why we are the way we are. I think this can be a good thing when you just really have no idea why you do some things you do. It can help explain why some people don't get along. But it can kind of be a bad thing when we use it to escape responsibility. As long as you understand the use of those tests, it can be helpful.
Helpful to see yourself on paper, indeed.

Other things is just the extreme use of quotes and lyrics to explain how you're feeling. I don't really think this can be unhealthy at all. I just find it fascinating we all use them so much. Speaking of which, I've got a few I just wanted to share.

"What you think is love is you simply choosing, and what you are willing to do…which is simply the choice. Love is an emotion you feel…an indescribable feeling of so said compassion and desire and joy and confusement and happiness and duty and openness and giving. The more you fall into this love and opening of yourself the more you become that person and the more you can be hurt because of that person. The whole idea of love is a strange one. Why would you open yourself completely up, just so that you can become weak and fragile to be hurt. Wouldn't it be easier to live a life of contentment and self discovery, or is that just another aspect of the tragedy of life?" - Matthew Lengyel

"It is strange… being more content with one self. A little to much of it isn't so good. You become isolated. Oh, of course you still talk, you still relate to the world, you have an amazing outlook on life, you become more social than you had been in a long time, but yet, you cut yourself off from the world. You seem to just be standing there, watching, and whenever one of those people come along just wanting to experience something new with you and make, even if it is small, a chapter in your life…you just push it away, because you say you're content, and don't need others to make you feel better about yourself. But that isn't the true reason. It's because you are scared to change. You're scared that you might feel something. You're scared that you might care till your heart hurts…You're scared to Feel.
Wouldn't it be so much easier to just be content; of course. But when you become dependent on your own contentness, then where is your life? Where is the pain, the joy, the happiness, the anger, the frustration, the patience, the love, the caring, the character, the meaning, and life…" - Matthew Lengyel

""I'm a 'T' on the Myers-Briggs. And all other personality quizzes. Which means I'm a "thinking type". For those of you who are thinking types, you might remember this - We don't like to cry. We don't cry that much actually and we really don't like to. But if we're gonna have to cry, we really wanna intellectually understand why." - Mary Poplin

I'm a T on the Myers-Briggs. So that means doing something "because I felt like it" doesn't appeal to me. I truly enjoy thinking things out. Because I'm an "I" that means I process things internally. Introvertly.

There are some tid bits of Angela on paper. And some quotes saying things I can't. :)

Thinking,
Angela

Guess who's back?

And here to stay!
I have been in California for 201 days of my year. That's about 200 days too many. Ha.. Just jokes. I didn't hate it. But at times it felt like more than I could handle.
In the past 2 weeks I've been asked daily "What do you miss most about home?" "What are you excited for most?" "What are you going to miss about California?" Trying not to be sarcastic and understanding almost none of these people have been away from their home for a straight 6 months with no feasible way to visit home, I respond with the most polite surface level answer I can muster.
When really... I miss EVERYTHING about home. I'm excited to be there partly because it's my HOME and partly because it's NOT here. And I'm not going to MISS California whatsoever. (Part of this being my blog means I get to say true things like that..) However, that is surface level angst, if there is such a thing. I didn't hate California entirely and not the entire time. I realized Angela + Los Angeles/Northridge do not get along very well. Angela + SD + NorCal = Just fine, though. And no matter how well I enjoy certain parts of Cali, Angela + Missourah will always win.
NorCal > SoCal
MO > NorCal
MO > CA
On paper, it's simple. But to do proofs for those equations would require some serious thought. Even so, I know it would boil down to the fact I am overjoyed to be home right now and part of that is because home is nowhere near California. Flying into STL I was on a flight of about 10 people. I had a seat to myself and no need to hide the awkward giddy excitement coupled with balling my eyes out.

I just recently read a new friend's FB page and he put it well, "Two of my favorite things to do are traveling and returning home from traveling." I am home now. As much as I loved, experienced, and enjoyed California, I am beyond ready to be here. Being in Cali was impossible to explain so if it seems like I'm over analyzing this, just know a lot went down that I wasn't expecting. Regardless, I'm back and thanking God that I have this place to call home.

I have too much to do to be on here much longer. I'm out and about re-acquainting myself with my favorite city.

Back again,
Angela

Dueces Cali.
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