"And seek the peace of the city whither I have caused you to be carried away captives, and pray unto the LORD for it: for in the peace thereof shall ye have peace."
Jeremiah 29:7
I'm doing Los Angeles Urban Project this summer. An "urban project" of InterVarsity's where I will live and work in downtown Los Angeles, California. Never have I felt a desire for the urban poor of this world until now. So many different aspects of this trip excite and scare me. I cannot wait to go!
However, I'm still here at Cal State Northridge. I feel like time is flying by too fast. Probably.. because it is. I'm already more than half way through my time here. Being somewhere you know you aren't going to stay is a very unique feeling. There isn't a day I don't think about the fact I am HERE and not HOME. That may not seem like much but it's an odd feeling. One of the most frustrating feelings is that I can't get too attached to people, because I know I have to leave them. I've never been too much of a sentimental person or a dependent person. I usually have 1 good friend and that's enough. Now I have a huge group of people who have had so many chances to serve and love me, and it's bittersweet.
I prayed for a long time that God would change me while I'm here.
"And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, ‘The LORD is my God.'"
Zechariah 13:9
I prayed for my roomates, the classes I'm in, the campus I'm on, and much more. I prayed that I would leave an impact even once I'm gone. God sure is changing me. He definitely put me in a place I never could have imagined. However, I did not expect it would be in this way.
One of the most prominant ways I've seen God teach me this year is in my dependence on the people around me. I have always been the one to pay for someone else, to be able to drive extra people, etc. I never feel inconvienced by people who need favors. Now that I'm here, though, I am the one who needs favors. It's one thing for God to teach you humility in offering your services. It's another to learn humility by actually needing service.
I've needed a ride to the emergency room. I needed a ride to the doctor. I needed a ride to the hospital for a procedure. I need rides to the store. I need a bike to run my own errands. I needed a place to sleep when my bed had bugs. I needed people to make color copies so I could send support letters. I needed almost $50 in stamps to mail it.
I have needed. I have accepted. I have been humbled. I am still learning. I am still being refined.
Just like David Bowie said,
"Time may change me but I can't trace time."
So I suppose I'm always changing. God has never left me stagnant. Change is just more noticeable and outward in this season of my life. Overall, I'm learning God is good all the time. When I feel inconvenient, when I am in need, when I am blessed to be a blessing, and when I cannot stop thanking him. I'm learning what true JOY is.
Rejoicing in troubles. Rejoicing in relief.
Joyfully,
Angela Grace
